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Conflicting feelings

February 9, 2013

We received some news the other day from some friends that they are expecting their first child, and although I am EXTREMELY excited and thrilled for them, I am truly embarrassed to say there was a small part of me that was deeply envious, jealous even (I hate that) and almost upset that it was them telling this joyous news and not my husband and I. The longing I feel now to have a baby for ourselves is like a small obsession, that is slowly taking over every thought and feeling I have on a day-to-day basis!

I not 100% sure why I decided to write this post, it’s not something I’m proud of myself for, I guess it’s my way of admitting something I deeply regret feeling, Warts and all and all that!

It would seem our friends are always just doing things a month or two before we have planned to them ourselves. Which of course in a selfish kind of way is frustrating, but that’s life and I realise we each do things when we are ‘ready’. (I made my feelings clear about being ‘ready’ at the end of another post!)

Just want to clarify that the two people who have been blessed with this amazing news are two of our best friends and it couldn’t happen to two nicer people. They will be amazing parents. This is just me admitting my severe longing for a child of our own. Now our time is here, and when it happens for M and I, it’ll be amazing news for us to deliver to. And I can’t wait.

I over came how I felt about our friends news very quickly, feeling incredibly guilty for feeling the way I did. Is it normal to feel the way I did for those few moments? Is it bad to feel envious for something that is so wonderful for someone else, that you know for a fact has made them the happiest people in the world?


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